We Wanted It Too Much
by CompYES
Summary: Or, Ten Times They Wanted Each Other But Knew They Shouldn't. A two-shot featuring Puck/Rachel. Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the music.
1. Rachel Berry: Im Not That Girl

**We Wanted It Too Much or the Ten Times They Wanted Each Other But Knew They Shouldn't**

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**_Rachel Berry: I'm Not That Girl_**

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1.

She was eleven. Most kids had already decided she was a freak because she had two dads, dressed kind of funny and was obsessed with singing and dancing. When she worked up the courage to privately give Cody Milbanks, one of the only boys who treated her civilly, a candy Valentine he refused it because he didn't want anyone to find out he got a Valentine from _her_. She almost burst into tears, but the sound of a smack interrupted her self-pity. Cody was holding the back of his head and moaning in pain. Standing behind him, hand raised, was none other than Noah Puckerman, rudest, most popular boy at their elementary school.

"Dude, you don't turn down candy. Even if it's Berry who's giving it to you." And with that, he snatched up her Valentine. "Thanks." He said with a wink, before he sauntered off, leaving her with a humiliated Cody.

At the end of the day, she decided that Cody was the crush of yesterday and that her Valentine had ended up in more deserving hands, though she tells no one.

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2.

It was the first Thursday of 8th grade. She was surprised when someone threw her a note during math. Shock almost caused her to faint out right when she finally grasped the fact that it was from Noah Puckerman, still the cutest, most popular boy of the school, as well as the fact that it casually asked if she wanted to go out on a date on Friday at seven. At first she really wanted to say yes, and then realized that she couldn't because she was going to be seeing West Side Story with her dads tomorrow and she absolutely wouldn't miss it for the world. After class, he had held back to get her answer. When she told him she couldn't go because she was going to a musical, his face settled into a stony expression. He stormed off before she could even apologize or ask if he would consider re-scheduling.

The next day, she received her first slushie facial (strawberry, she remembers distinctly) courtesy of Noah Puckerman.

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3.

Somehow, she'd been drafted into tutoring students struggling with Geometry. She consistently got some of the best grades in the class, so Miss Pillsbury talked her into helping out a student who needed it. It was a shock to her when she was introduced to the student, because it was Noah Puckerman, someone she had no problem remembering. Neither was happy with the arrangement, but Miss Pillsbury forced them to at least give it a week before calling it quits.

That first day, she was sure they were going to kill each another. The next day, they called a truce. The day after, everything was alright until he solved a particularly tough problem on his own and she told him she was proud of him. He'd paused and turned his gaze to hers. She didn't know why, or who was responsible, but their lips met for an agonizingly brief moment before both had withdrawn as if burned. They both pretended it didn't happen, and spent the rest of the week in silence. When it was done, they terminated the arrangement with Miss Pillsbury.

Noah Puckerman was her first kiss. And she still doesn't know how she feels about it.

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4.

There's this one dream she has. She blames it on the fact that _he's_ there when she rejoins Glee, and that she can't help being over sensitive to his presence. Or maybe it's because she can't get his voice--_that voice_--out of her mind (the way he sings, she could melt). Usualy it's Finn who comes to her in the night, and kisses her the way he kisses Quinn, as if there's no one else in the world but them, and it's what she's always wanted. But what makes this dreams different is that she had a new co-star this time.

It's not the warm, dark eyes she's used to, but smoldering, green ones, and she feels like his gaze alone will set her ablaze. His lips are on hers before she can think to do anything—protest, smile, beg, gasp, breathe—and then the only thing she wants to do is kiss him back. And she does. Her dream starts to take a more passionate, sudden turn, and she realizes she's not ready for this, for sex, even in her dreams.

So she wakes up sweaty, panting, and her legs are painfully clenched together, and the only thing even half coherently buzzing about her thoughts it that she wants Noah Puckerman.

Badly.

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5.

She sees him from a mile away. A slushie cup held in his hand as he approaches her. He's been a little slack with his slushie throwing lately, and she was starting to think that he might have grown a heart, or a concsience, or at least gotten bored with throwing stuff at her. The closer he gets, the surer she is that he's gotten over whatever funk he was in and the ritual slushies are back on…

Which is why she was stunned when Noah, with a straw tucked behind his ear, handed the slushie to her, She couldn't help the half terrified, half shocked look that was on her face. Was he really being serious?After he asked if they could work together on mash up ideas, she couldn't help the wide smile she had on afterwards as she cheerfully drank the grape slushie.

He was right. It was her favorite.

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6.

When she had been kissing Noah, she'd let Finn wander into her mind. The minute she did, she pushed herself away from Noah. She was confused and disgusted with herself. If someone had asked her at the beginning of Glee club who she'd pick, Finn would have one in a heartbeat. But now…She thought she was in love with Finn. So why did she feel so dirty and ashamed for thinking about Finn Hudson while kissing Noah?

Her guilt made her say things to Noah she didn't mean, to push him away and to give her time to sort through things. She still wasn't ready to go any further with him. But if she looked into his eyes one more time tonight, if she kissed him one more time, she was a goner, because the only one she really, truly wanted right now was Noah. And wanting him that much scared her.

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7.

For the second time, she was not the target of a slushie facial in the immediate vicinity. But to her surprise and utter horror, it was Noah Puckerman, her boyfriend, the supposedly most popular boy in school, who got hit by the slushie. She let herself stand there dumbstruck with a gaping jaw for a minute before taking charge. Inserting her had gently into his, she carefully led him into the closest bathroom and to the sink. She let him clean the slushie out of his eyes while she quickly slipped a way for a couple of minutes so she could grab him change of clothes. The drama department never locked up the costumes for productions during school hours, so she she raided the racks of clothing for things she thought were school appropriate and would fit Noah.

When she returned, she found him standing in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sides of the sink. It broke her heart to realize that he understood now what it was like. As she helped him wash the slushie out of his hair, and listened to him tell her about how it made him feel, she knew he understood it. The humiliation. No one deserved this feeling. Even Noah. Even if he had been doing it for her for three years now, it felt so wrong for him to be a victim of it too.

She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. She cared for him enough to let him go. He had a way to go back to a life without slushie facials. And she wouldn't let herself get in the way of that.

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8.

Mike and Matt choosing Glee over football was a pleasant surprise. As much as she convinced herself that she was okay with Noah not coming back, that she understood why he shouldn't, she couldn't help but want him to come back to Glee, to come back to her. All those times she selfishly wished that he'd forget Quinn and choose her. So everyone was now waiting for Finn, their hero, their leading man, rejoin them and sweep Quinn into his arms the way Mike had done with Brittany and Matt had done with Santana.

That was why it was such a shock when it wasn't Finn, but Noah who walked through the door, his hands shoved into his pockets, looking almost shy. She walked swiftly to him and paused right in front of him.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. And then he smiled.

"Bring it."

With his warms wrapped so tenderly about her, she knew that whatever her feelings for Finn were, she loved Noah. Noah who had the courage to choose Glee (and her, maybe) over the other things going on in his life.

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9.

She didn't want to do this. But deep down, she knew she had to. It was a good thing she and Noah had, but it was time to stop living in a fantasy. Noah didn't want her. Sure, he could be happy with her, but she saw him watching Quinn sometimes when he thought no one was watching. She'd never felt more angry or undesirable when she realized she'd lost out to Quinn Fabray again. Another boy she'd given her heart to wanted the other girl instead. She wasn't willing to be next best choice compared to Quinn.

So she lied. She told him it wasn't gonna work because they both wanted different people, that she wanted Finn. It hurt a little more when he told her he'd wanted to break up too. She wanted him to argue with her, tell her he really did want her. He didn't. She asked if they could still be friends. He jerked away, snidely saying they never had been.

And as he walked away, her heart was broken for a second time by a boy from Glee.

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10.

When she's at home, recording her next Myspace video, and she's putting all her emotion, all the hurt she feels, into it.

_Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
He could be that boy  
But I'm not that girl_

She thinks about that first accidental kiss, so long ago no one ever knew about.

_Don't dream too far  
Don't lose sight of who you are  
Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl_

She remembers all of the times she used to picture them together.

_Ev'ry so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in_

She recalls all the possibilities she saw for them, if only it could work out.

_Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She who's winsome, she wins him  
Gold hair with a gentle curl  
That's the girl he chose  
And Heaven knows  
I'm not that girl_

She knows that he came back to Glee for the beautiful, popular cheerleader who already belong to someone else.

_Don't wish, don't start  
Wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl  
There's a girl I know  
He loves her so_  
_**I'm not that girl**_

And she knows she's not that girl.

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NaNa: The next chapter will be the ten things from Puck's POV. Hope you enjoyed this. I don't own the song "I'm Not That Girl," by Idina Menzel from the musical Wicked. Sorry anyone who was expecting the Twilight story. I got a little distracted from it, but it's still in progress.

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	2. Noah Puckerman: Perfect Situation

**We Wanted It Too Much or The Ten Times They Wanted Each Other But Knew They Shouldn't**

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_**Noah Puckerman: The Perfect Situation**_

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1.

He knew the minute he saw her ask that Milbanks kid if he could talk to her, what was going to go down. She was going to tell the kid she liked him, and then she was going to get shot down. 'Cause nobody really liked that Berry chick. She was just too weird to really develop any kind of positive relationship with anyone. But he really hated the idea of a girl crying. And even if Berry was a weirdo, she was kind of pretty and she wasn't as stupid as some of the other girls that were in their class.

So he followed the two of them and came just in time to hear Milbanks blow her off. Immediately, he was behind the stupid kid smacking some sense into the guy. He took a second to check if Berry was alright. She looked a little upset and shaken by Milbanks's words, and she had a Valentine clutched in her hand. Reaching over, he plucked the thing out of her hand, thanked her for it, and got out of there before gave her any ideas about him being nice.

'Cause it wasn't about her. He just didn't want her to cry.

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2.

So maybe he liked Berry more than he said he did. She was weird, but he was sure that there had to be some potential in her to be cool. He could almost see it, walking around with her on his arm like he had picked up a diamond in the rough and polished it to perfection. He'd have been the guy to do it, and no one would give him shit for it either. It was brilliant.

He launched his plan on Thursday. He'd give her a note during math himself (it was easy, 'cause he sat right behind her that period, and asking Finn to do it for him, well, it just wouldn't have worked). It was simple, all the note asked was if she'd like to go out with him on Friday to see a movie. It was almost like an episode from the TV show the Twilight Zone when Rachel Berry, school freak, rejected him. No one rejected him. He was a stud.

So he threw a slushie in her face. He was done with Rachel Berry and junior high school girls. It was all about the high school girls now.

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3.

Freshman year, his mom had blown a fuse when she found his stash of hidden report cards. He knew he should've gotten rid of them, he just never got around to it. It wasn't like his grades were terrible, in fact, he did a lot better than a lot of the other kids at school. But the problem was math. It had been a while since he'd actually cared about doing anything in that class, opting to instead hang out in the nurses office. It was better than spending time with Mr. Horn not getting a single word he said in that monotone voice. Now that his mom had caught on to him, she'd contacted the school counselor to set up a tutor for him. He was positive Miss Pillsbury was some kind of sadist underneath her germaphobia, because the next day he found himself stuck with none other than Rachel Berry as his tutor.

That first day he was sure either she'd make his brain explode with all of the enormous words (he felt like she _had to_ have been making some of them up) she was using or he'd strangle her before it happened. The second day, they'd set up rules, if she tried not to talk so much, he'd be "nice." The third day…he didn't know what the hell the happened. He blamed her for being so damn helpful and so proud of him. No one had ever told him they were proud of him. Except his mom. It just made him feel so... and then...

He kissed her. And he hated her for it. 'Cause he thought he was done with girls like her.

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4.

Usually he never dreamed. And if he did, well, they were never great. Sometimes they'd be of Quinn, but they always ended the same way. She'd leave him for Finn, and then he'd have to watch the girl he liked (he wasn't sure if he loved her) marry his best friend and see his kid, his little girl, grow up without him. He pictured her looking something like his little sister (who, like Berry, was kind of cute when she didn't open her mouth), with his eyes, and maybe Quinn's lips. He hated that dream.

That was why when he dreamt of Rachel Berry stealing away into his room barefoot, dressed in only a white gown and a Star of David, it had to mean something. Maybe it had something to do with what his mom said during their annual Schindler's List movie night, or maybe it had to do with the fact that Berry had been looking pretty hot in that tight, little yellow dress (which happened to be his favorite color at the moment) while hyped up on whatever drugs she had been taking during the mash up competition. He didn't even know she owned anything that wasn't a conservative sweater or one of those things she called a skirt that let him (and very other guy in school) see those gorgeous legs of hers.

Maybe it was time to get over her rejecting him in 8th grade. Maybe it would help him get over Quinn. And _his_ kid.

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5.

That horrified expectant look on her face used to bring him pleasure as he prepared to toss a slushie in her face. Now he's a little annoyed by it, because that's the exact wrong expression he wants out of her. Why is it that Rachel Berry always manages reacting the wrong way to his attempts to ask her out?

He can tell everyone in the hall is watching them as if this is the most significant moment they've ever experienced in their high school life. And he doesn't blame them, because when has he ever turned down the opportunity to slushie Rachel Berry in favor of asking her out? It just didn't happen. Even though this is possibly the most ridiculous thing he's ever done in his life, he explains to her, and partly to himself, why he's giving her the slushie.

When she smiles, and takes a dainty sip of the slushie, he knows it was worth it. Because now she's smiling at him, and nodding her head yes, and he feels like he much prefers her looking like this than having slushie dripping down her face.

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6.

It was the most disappointed he'd ever felt. And he can't believe that it was Rachel who made him feel that way. Getting her to make out with him had been way too easy. He actually wouldn't have minded listening to her sing a little longer, cause her voice wasn't really all that bad. The only issue was that he just refused to listen to such a sappy, chick flick song. While they were making out, he couldn't believe that little prim and proper Rachel Berry was the one who had him on his back, straddling him like a wildcat. Just when he thought that she was about to take it to the next level, she pushed him away and blabbed all this nonsense about him having to prove that he could sing a solo.

He almost beat the shit out some guy on the way home from her place that night to vent his frustration. After he got home, he sat down and gave the solo thing some thought for a while, before throwing himself into putting one together that would blow her away. Something he knew would impress her, something that she would know would be for only her. And then she'd have to let him have his way with her.

There was no way he was going to let Rachel Berry get away with being such a tease.

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7.

He wanted to rage. He wanted to find the guy who had thrown a slushie in his face and make him pay for what he'd done. Instead, he just stood there, letting the disbelief soak in like the grape slushie that was dribbling down his face into his clothing.

But when Rachel took his hand, he forgot about being angry. He started to think about what being slushie'd meant. He wasn't the stud anymore; he wasn't the big bad football player anymore. If he got slushie'd, he obviously wasn't at the top of the food chain anymore. And he hated it. He didn't know why, but he opened his mouth, and everything he felt about it came out. About the humiliation, and about how sorry he was that he had ever done it to her. He felt like such an asshole, remembering her standing alone, humiliated, wiping the slushie out of her face. She listened quietly as he spilled his guts to her and him it was okay to pick football over Glee. Then she slipped out of the bathroom to leave him with his thoughts.

If there was one thing he hated in that moment more than getting hit by a slushie, it was seeing Rachel looking so resigned to the fact that they'd be returning to the way things were before they were dating. He decided right there. If going back to football meant he'd have to go back to doing this to people, to Rachel, he wasn't going to be a part of it anymore.

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8.

Though he was a bit unsure of himself (since when had he ever been unsure of something?), he walked into the choir room that had become so familiar to him in the last couple of weeks. Who'd have ever thought this was where he would be? At a Glee practice instead of a mandatory football football practice. Especially with Rachel Berry of people wrapped up in his arms, like she belonged there.

Then he realized that this really was the way he wanted it. Glee was where he needed to be. With people who actually cared about him. People who wouldn't pressure him to make decisions he didn't want to make. Artie, Tina, Mercedes, Matt, Mike, Kurt, Santana, Brittany, Mr S. They were all looking at him the way they looked at Finn, like he was the hero, come to save them in the eleventh hour. He looked at Quinn, who he knew was watching him as he held Rachel, even though she was wearing the stupid sunglasses. Then he looked at Rachel who looked so happy, so content to be held in his arms. He _wanted_ to be with them. He _wanted_ this feeling.

Finn was an idiot to give this up.

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9.

He hadn't meant to be there, but he found himself up in the bleachers, watching the football practice the next day. He didn't regret choosing Glee. He knew that being there with Rachel and for his kid was more important. Still, he wished he could do both. He didn't like the thought of having to choose between them. He didn't like the thought of Finn being the one selfish enough to cave to the other guys on the team.

Somehow, he knew it was coming when Rachel found him up there in the bleachers. He knew that their relationship wasn't going to work. And he secretly knew that he wouldn't be the one to break it off either (really, like he was one who would break up with a hot girl he actually liked). Rachel was still into Finn. She said so herself. And he had no right to be screwing around with another girl after what he had done with Quinn. He still couldn't fight down the jealousy he felt. It always came back to Finn. Finn was the nice guy, the one who everyone liked. Who was he? Just a Lima Loser who couldn't convince the mother of his child or the girl who made him feel so good to pick him over Saint Finn. He knew he didn't mean to say all those things to Rachel. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. But he couldn't help it. He wanted her so badly to want only him, he couldn't stand the fact that she couldn't.

Instead of taking back the shit he'd said to her, he just left her sitting there in the bleachers, knowing that it was his fault he'd made her cry.

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10.

When he got home, he tried to think about anything but Rachel. In the end, he found himself opening up her Myspace. And he knew she was singing to him. Shutting off his computer, he picked up his guitar and started venting his anger and his guilt on the chords.

_What's the deal with my brain?  
Why am I so obviously insane?  
In a perfect situation  
I lead love down the drain.  
There's the pitch, slow and straight_

_All I have to do is swing_

_and I'm a hero, but I'm a zero._

He had thought he could deal with the consequences of going after her.

_Hungry nights, once again  
Now it's getting unbelievable.  
'Cause I could not have it better,  
But I just can't get no play  
From the girls, all around  
As they search the night for someone to hold onto.  
And just pass through..._

He'd had her and then he'd screwed it all up.

_Get your hands off the girl,  
Can't you see that she belongs to me?  
And I don't appreciate this excess company.  
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has  
And so she starts to wander...  
Can you blame her?_

He'd known when he'd said all those things he'd scare her right back into Finn's arms.

_Tell me there's a logic out there.  
Leading me to better prepare  
For the day that something really special might come.  
Tell me there's some hope for me.  
I don't wanna be lonely  
For the rest of my days on the earth._

He'd let the perfect girl go, and now, all he wanted was to have her back.

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Nana: ANd that is the end of the two shot. The song from this chapter is "Perfect Situation" by Weezer. I still don't know if it really fits Puck (I really can't see him singing it), but it certainly felt like it fit the gist of the chapter, and his _situation_ (I should be brutally killed for pun humor). I might write something that might follow this up. For now though, I've got my Glee fanfiction out of my system.


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